All posts by Fr Tom Tirman

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A day from hell……..

Perhaps this title is a bit misleading, in that it should probably read “a day IN hell.” It has not been a good day.

I began today not feeling quite right. The withdrawal from the meds I swore was literally killing me, and at around noon, I was pretty sure that it was not just something I was saying. But let me just get to noon.
My day started with dizziness and the need to get Ben over to Cindy’s for the day. Of course he wanted to take the truck, which has no air, is loud, and although fun to drive was not my first choice this morning. And we were about half way there when he “accidentally” shot the key for my padlock that he was playing with out the window on a country road.
I was not too pleased, but fortunately (I thought) it was on one of those rubbery wristband thingys. I figured it would not be too hard to find, but it was. The good news was tat we finally found it, and made our way to Cindy’s.
But after dropping him off and before leaving my phone rang and it was Amanda who had a migraine and needed to be picked up…..in Greenfield…..not close. I already was dizzy and needed to lay down. The quickest thing would have been to take the truck, but with no air the windows would need to be down and she would not survive it I was sure……so I headed toward the house to pick up my car.
I only wish I could have made it without running out of gas. Now I was REALLY stressed, my head was pounding, and she was calling all the time asking where I was. So Scotty came with our gas can (we will FIX that stupid gas gauge this week) and we went home and got my car. And he went with me to Greenfield behind perhaps every slow driver in Indiana so that he could drive the extra car home.
The good news was that we got her home and put to bed. The bad news is that I started to get worse.
It was about noon and I was extremely dizzy now and was very frustrated by the withdrawal of meds, but it was more than that, I had just too much pressure in my head. So I decided to take my blood pressure just to see what it was.
Okay, it was then I was worried. As a stroke survivor I am technically in a different risk category, but even if I wasn’t it was too high. 176/96 So I called my doc and said I was coming in. And I tried to pretend I was just the victim of a faulty cuff at home.
In retrospect, it was stupid to drive myself, and I do understand that….but I am a guy. The good news is that it was still high but down to 138/91 when I saw him, but it is still WAY TOO HIGH.
In all honesty, I am just tired of all this and need it to go away. The doctor said, though it is very hard, I should tough out this withdrawal because he believes it will get me to where I need to be. I intend to too…..I mean if I do not have an additional stroke prior to making it!
But the day is now done and I am in bed. I brought Ben in here with me because he is really the only thing making me laugh today and I need it. Mom is under full Hospice care now, and is on pain meds as needed around the clock. She had a fever yesterday, but not today. She is no longer eating or drinking by mouth. I shouldn’t whine about my day….her days are clearly worse.
But for now I am going to sleep. I have not had too many days in this life worse than today. I consider myself a man’s man, and I am not prone to being frightened. I got a full dose of it today though. I am hoping and praying that tomorrow will be a better day.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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Hospice for mom…….

Well I spent some time with the good people from Hospice this afternoon, making sure my mom was signed up and good to go with them. I have custody of my mom, and she has been in a nursing home for many years now, although she is just 71, suffering from Alzheimer’s.

But it is now clearly time to make this move. She has been pretty sick, was lucid enough to let us know she wanted to discontinue treatment, and as quickly as she sort of reappeared, her brain just drifted away again. We had a couple of days of sentences from her, and even a couple of questions. Now we are back to just one, and maybe two words if we are lucky.
It has been a long road for her, and we now take the turn for her final journey home. Keep her in your prayers (her name is Kay). I am just glad to know she will now be taken care of by people who specialize in the end of her life.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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DIzzy……

Well today is my second full day off the medicine, and to be honest, I do not see a big change in my weight, but then again I am having to deal with all sorts of withdrawal symptoms, so I suppose it will still be with me awhile.

I do hope that the dang dizziness stops. It is driving me nuts and I feel like a drunk 90% of the time. Of course drinking might help justify such actions, but in all honesty I am just hoping to stick this out. I have read that this is a pretty difficult road, and that many people give up. I however will not be one of them. I need to stay off it and get myself back to where I want to be.
With that, I will also say that I am dropping out or conceding the Biggest Loser competition that I have been in with my wife’s family. When I made the decision to go off these meds for the sake of my health and weight, I also made the decision to not agitate myself through the process. Of course I was hoping that just weaning off the drug would kick up my metabolism, but apparently the effects of this stuff will be with me awhile yet. And the stress of worrying about it is enough for me now. So I will get to where I can make this a win/win for myself and not fret about the rest. Lord knows I have enough to worry about already.
I went into see my mom today and she looked good, but was unresponsive. And although I tried to wake her, I figured she was just medicated. I will try again tomorrow. I understand that this is not about me, but her. She deserves to rest and not to be roused all the time to say something to reassure us that she can see us. I hope she has a great nap!
Anyway….me and my dizzy head are already here in bed at 8pm. I hope tomorrow sees me doing better.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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Bond, James Bond…….

I almost didn’t post this picture……there is nothing worse than having a four year old who thinks he is James Bond, and who looks better than you do with a gun and no shirt…..plus, his biceps seem more formed.

But I will post it nonetheless. Ben’s good buddies Gabe and Bella are back from Michigan and they got together this afternoon for a pool party. Of course I could not go….it is a work day, but it clearly didn’t prevent any of them from having fun. And on a day that has seen more than its share of stress for me, this picture was a welcome gift.
But it is now 10:30pm and I am home really for the first time today of any significant length. AND fortunately that length will include a good night’s sleep (I hope). I have already found that James Bond is in my bed, and although his mom is asleep, he is up awaiting my return to talk about some secret mission. He is going to be sadly disappointed, as I am ready to put out to pasture as they say.
But it is good to make it home, and good to see my bed. My mom is about the same, yet in a 20 minute visit all I got was an “okay.” She is not in pain, and we are all thankful for that.
So off to bed I go!
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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What a Calamity!

With all that is happening I needed a break, and my cousin Chrissy provided me with one tonight. She is a wonderful young woman who has always been as sweet as the day is long, but she also has an alter-ego……”#33 – Chrissy Calamity.” That’s right, my dear sweet cousin is a certified killer, a REAL Roller Derby skater!

And tonight she invited us to come out and watch a match in Indianapolis, and I have to say that it was one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed in my life! I was pulling for her and her team all the way, and I was surprised at how very competitive it was.
Of course I came to this as an ice hockey player. I was sure, coming from what is often said to be the toughest sport in the world, that watching some young women (not all of them were young) skating in circles and trying to get by each other would bore me. BUT, these women are tough. They wear a lot less in terms of padding (and clothes) than your run of the mill hockey player, and they get A LOT more contact (almost constant) than we ever do. PLUS, I cannot roller skate (it is VERY different from ice skating) and when you fall on a roller rink YOU STOP. On ice we slide. Sure occasionally someone gets teed into the boards, but that is rare. These women get it all the time.
But in all honesty, it was just what I needed. Scotty and Ben had a blast too (we sat next to Aunt Suzie, my mom’s sister and Chrissy’s mom). It took my mind off, ever so briefly, of what is happening with my mom. It was a real blessing to me.
As for my mom, she vacillates between reality and wherever she is. Today she was able to talk, though not much. She asked me how her parents were (her first question to me in years, and only the second I know of, since she asked my cousin Steve what he was looking at yesterday). I told her all about her mom, my grandma, who is just now in assisted living in Goshen (but still at 95 as sharp as a tack). And then sadly, I had to remind her that my grandpa, her dad, died some 15 years ago. That seemed to disturb her, but she forgot it all in just a few minutes.
Life does take some turns….some sad, some joyous. Today has been a day for both.
But tonight my cousin really gave me a remarkable gift, and it couldn’t have been at a better time.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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A day of transitions……

We have had a rough few days here in Indiana….thus this post is delayed. My mom, who has Alzheimer’s and is in a nursing home here, has taken a turn for the worse. I did not want to post too soon, because my Uncle will be talking to her mom, my grandma about this Saturday. There is nothing more disrespectful than hearing something so personal second-hand. We just wanted to make sure she heard about it Saturday, and in person.

But my mom has made the decision to stop all treatment, and she has done this at a time that she is already sick. The IV with the important antibiotics was disconnected tonight at 9pm, per her wishes, and although I am not a medical doctor, I can say I believe they have not yet got that infection under control. I anticipate her getting worse and not better, but in truth, it is her decision and I respect her for that.
So today is a day of uncertainty. although we are pretty sure of it’s direction. Please keep her and us in your prayers. I will update you on this daily, but for now the waters are calm.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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A healthy meal……

I sent her this picture…..she could not make it out as you will not be able to either. She seemed to think it was a cute little bunny who made its way into her garden for a snack. After all, everyone loves bunnies.

But the truth is that it was a pretty good-sized groundhog, or woodchuck. And it was not there to chuck wood, it was there to eat leaves….which I hope makes her feel better. It really kills me that that garden is full of vegetables and that cute little woodchuck just wants to eat the leaves.
Sadly however, I scared it away when I tried to sneak around to get a better picture. I do hope it comes back. It clearly was not afraid of our plastic owl, and it seemed pretty hungry. And I am sure it was not its first time there….along with all the raccoons, squirrels, and birds we have been sharing with as well. It was just cool to see it. It stayed on the peripheries for just a second and then went into the center of the garden (with the owl). Amanda would have had a stroke of her own seeing it. But it really did make my day.
Anyway, there really are plenty of veggies to go around there. We send a lot to the Christian Center, eat a lot ourselves, and apparently feed every rodent (not the filthy stinky icky kind) within within our neighborhood. It’s fun, and I have a bird’s eye view from my office.
I needed to see that today too. I have enough on my mind. It was nice to just see the little woodchuck have a time of it. It deserved it.
It was probably tired form all that chucking of wood.
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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A night of incredible blessings……..

Tonight we enjoyed a marvelous celebration where three men were ordained Deacon by Bishop Loomis at St. Anne’s in Anderson. We welcome to our staff (not really, they were already on it but their titles have changed) the Reverend Deacon Kim Akers, the Reverend Deacon Skip Beyer, and the Reverend Deacon Robert Jennings. All three are pretty good guys (well, at least two of them are) and it was a real blessing to be a part of this celebration.

And of course it is always a blessing to get to be with my good friend the Bishop. Doc is an amazing man with a real servant’s heart. He always does a great job wherever he goes, yet I always feel badly in that I think we often exhaust him. I am sure the other guys who do my job feel the same way too. I am led to remember that line that about 1000 celebrities think is about them, that they are “the busiest guy in show business.” That appears to be always up for grabs. Doc however is truly the busiest Bishop in the Church, and we love him and appreciate him. And he drives more miles in a month the Mario Andretti did in a lifetime.
But the big news it that we now have three more deacons and are looking ahead to the future. It has been a night of incredible blessing. And although I would love to stay up some more and contemplate all of it, I think instead I will go to sleep and get some blessing from my bed!
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+
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Home Sweet Home………

Oh the beautiful town of Edgewood, Indiana! Of course when I arrived, there was really no welcoming committee. I carried in all my bags alone, and even the dog didn’t seem that interested. But if you do not catch him during the 45 minutes he is up per day he isn’t really responsible. But arriving when late afternoon did avail me the opportunity to unpack and get a few things settled.

There were however problems. One, I have spent the better part of the last week sleeping in hotels with the temperature turned down to at least 60 degrees. I found our house a little bit warmer than that. Two, I had not had access to enough office equipment on my trip to get the things done that I had to do for the ordinations that are scheduled for tomorrow night…….so I also had a TON of work waiting for me here. Fortunately, even after they all returned home, there was no parade or speeches to be made. We just ate dinner and I could get back at it.
But nonetheless, it is good to be home. The next few days will be packed with plenty to do, but the end of the week should free itself up and perhaps give me a couple of days to just relax.
If I can just figure out how to make it 60 degrees here that would be awesome!
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!

Tommy+
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Progress…….

Although our government seems incapable of it, I believe I am making progress as I am now half way home. I will arrive at my house tomorrow and believe it or not, sleep in my own bed. I am looking forward to it. To be honest, I am really tired of carrying everything around.

Another blessing in all of this is that I feel I am making a lot of progress on a lot of the things I have had going through my mind. I just wish I were further along in these thoughts though. My mind goes a mile a minute, and it always has. Post stroke however my fast moving mind was my worst enemy…..now I am pretty confident I can handle it. My mind still whirls, but off the meds I am seeing I have a much clearer understanding of that than I did before.
No, clearly the function is a bit, if not grossly, backward, but I feel I have a line on it. I am excited abut the possibilities. I am sick of medicines and fact that I may be free of them in just a few days is clearly progress to me!!
Goodnight my friends and God Bless!
Tommy+